Today Iâm going to share with you how I applied the ideas, concepts and methods from, Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss into my life to gain a promotion, increase engagement in my projects and how you can to.
This book has given me the tools, understanding and mindset to achieve things in my work that I have never managed before. It would have taken my much longer to make progress without it.
Most peopleâs career progress starts to stagnate once they hit a certain point where their technical skills are no longer the deciding factor. They fail to improve their soft skills like communication, negotiation and persuasion.
Most software engineers wind up in mediocre situations because they simply canât negotiate. Their deals are lose-lose when they think theyâre win-win
In this newsletter weâre going to go through:
If you want one of the most powerful tools in life at your disposal then keep reading.
Written by Chris Voss this book delves into the art of negotiation based on his lived in experience as a hostage negotiator. He debunks widely accepted wisdom by using examples of how the theory doesnât work out when put into the field.
Heâs had a majorly successful TED talk, appeared on numerous podcasts and runs the Black Swan Group. A company providing resources and training based on the concepts in this book.
I love this book as I can hear his voice through his writing, you know it comes from Chris. The stories are incredibly engaging and showed how the concepts applied to high stakes scenarios.
Itâs just the right length too, avoiding the any filler. Itâs not that long so you can probably finish it in one intense reading session.
Here are the things I learned and how I applied them.
Most people think negotiation is a battle of wits, cunning and underhanded tactics.
Theyâre completely wrong.
Quoting Chris:
Your goal at the outset is to extract and observe as much information as possible.
Negotiation is discovery.
You shouldnât go into a negotiation thinking youâre going to flatten the other person like the Wolf of Wall Street. Nobody wants to negotiate with that kind of person.
When youâre negotiating youâre constantly trying to find out more about the other person and what they want.
Understanding what scenario youâre in and what the other person is either expecting from you or wanting from you gives you the ability to frame your goals in a way that aligns with their own.
I applied this by communicating with people I work with to understand their problems, their goals and the things they care about.
Through this I was able to discover how I could contribute in ways that helped us both get what we want. A true win-win situation.
This applies to a lot of things but especially for negotiations.
Even if the topic is about you, e.g. asking/applying for a promotion, it still isnât about you.
Itâs about how your promotion affects your managerâs responsibilities and how it contributes to their goals.
This might sound a little pessimistic and negative but in reality people are far too busy and bogged down to really prioritise you over their own problems, challenges and goals.
And Iâd say thatâs fair.
Weâre all striving for growth and success.
The things you want rarely come from your actions alone but rather from how your actions create positive outcomes, situations and feelings for others.
Try and frame your own goals and actions around the positive outcomes it produces for those around you and youâll never struggle for progress.
I applied this various situations which included getting time for a project which otherwise would have been labelled as âtech debtâ. It resulted in improved delivery and quality of life for various teams in the business and I was the key piece in the value delivery.
The single greatest downfall for any collaborative project is uncommitted contributors.
Imagine if ThĂ©oden said âyes, yes, Rohan will answerâ but then him and the riders never showed up to Minas Tirith? It would be game over!
Donât fall for the trap of an empty yes. A âleave me alone yesâ is what Chris calls it.
âYesâ is nothing without âHow.â
Instead you need to strive for a committed yes.
Chris gives two tips in how to get a committed yes:
The first one simply roots out anybody who isnât a sociopath. Most people wonât continuously lie or answer a question dishonestly multiple times.
The second is very important because you want them to tell you how theyâre going to get something done and by when. Itâs really important it comes from them because it means theyâve thought about it and are now willing to invest their time and reputation on it.
I applied this in shared projects I worked on to improve engagement and gain active contributors who were invested in delivering. It meant more people were actively contributing, getting recognition and the system improved as a whole for everyone.
This phrase was coined by Chrisâ and it generally means: âMaking the other person feel heard and understoodâ
He clarifies by explaining that empathy does not mean you agree with them but that you truly understand their point of view.
This is one of the best ways you can build rapport with somebody as it makes you more engaging and trustworthy.
Another great quote from Chris around this point:
Everyone of us has the inherent, human need to be understood, to connect with the person across the table.
If you want people to collaborate with you then you need trust. You need to be able to connect with that person in a genuine way.
It couples nicely with active listening. Giving people youâre undivided attention and listening to exactly what they say.
Itâs difficult!
You need to withhold your personal thoughts, judgements avoid entering conversation with a protective and self affirming mindset.
I applied this by reaching out and listening to those who were using the tools and projects I helped create and really listening to what they were saying.
Gathering feedback in raw unfiltered format to remove my bias and to get my ego out of the way so I could see it for what it was.
Not feel threatened because I felt like it was a jab at me or anyone else who worked on the project.
This allowed me to improve the project for those who used it but were frustrated with how things currently were.
Iâll start with a quote from Chris because it encapsulates it beautifully.
Splitting the difference is wearing one black and one brown shoe, so donât compromise.
Compromise is when you get the best of both, right?
Wrong, what happens more often than not is a solution or outcome that is a bit Frankenstein. The true vision is gone and whatâs left is at best mediocre or at worst the ugliest parts of each vision.
So how do you avoid compromise? When two or more people canât decide on something then how do you move forward?
The answer. You have to change what they want.
And this is the hardest part of negotiation.
A compromise has all those involved feeling like theyâve had to give up something. Thatâs a loss.
If you change what they want then it removes that downside.
Iâll admit I donât think I can come up with an example Iâve managed to pull this off with work.
But I have managed to get my 6 year old son to want to try his veggies!
Measure once, cut twice. Fail to plan then plan to fail. Thereâs many phrases that echo this truth.
If you donât prepare you just asking for failure.
You should always go into a negotiation with a plan.
Like Chris highlights:
When the pressure is on, you donât rise to the occasionâyou fall to your highest level of preparation.
He even has a one sheet on his company website that you can use as a template to fill out before going into a negotiation.
Go into the negotiation prepared but not like a door-to-door salesman reading from a script.
Chris recommends not forcing the negotiation with âyesâ orientated questions (a question they can only logically say yes to) but empower them with âno orientated questionsâ.
Saying no is more powerful than saying yes. Itâs why one of everyoneâs first words when theyâre babies is no.
It sets boundaries. Give them the sense of control.
I applied this when going for promotion by using the one sheet. Simply filling it out forced me to clarify what exactly it was that I wanted and forced me to think about what could potentially be a deal breaker for this advancement.
What are some of the most business critical projects I can be involved in that will impact the future of the company for the better?
This is a very clear and effective question.
It highlights you as a person that has a genuine interest in furthering the success of the company and those around you.
It shows ambition aimed at a goal that isnât completely self serving.
You want to move yourself towards projects that have big, positive impact to the business. Not only for the value they deliver but also the experience they provide.
The most high value projects tend to be some of the most interesting and difficult projects to undertake. Theyâll teach you a lot and youâll become a lot more valuable as a result.
This book has really opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible. Not only for software development but for life in general.
Like Chris says:
Allow me to let you in on a secret: Life is negotiation.
Thanks for reading.
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